If animals have had Facebook,
these are most Likely to be their Status Updates:
Cockroach:
Managed to Skip from some one’s foot step...
Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle !! =P
Cat:
My 7th Child is asking who is her dad..
what shall I tell her?? I don’t even Remember.. =D
Mosquito:
I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong Sucking.. =/
Chicken:
If tomorrow I am not updating my Status;
means I am being served at KFC.. Love you all ?!? =$
Octopus:
I have just refilled my Ink.. Horray!! ^_^
Pig:
Oh Gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu… WTF!! =x
Goat:
Friends, don’t go out, Eid Holiday is coming.. :'(
Pig writes a Comment on Goat’s status:
"Luckily I am HARAM" =D (4 Likes)
Goat replies:
"Don’t you remember that after Eid is the Chinese New year???
(11 likes) =D =P
Showing posts with label Animal Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Animal Jokes. Show all posts
The Geek's Love Story
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
Mr. Cat's Wedding
Look How nervous Mr.Cat was on his Wedding, wish him best of luck.
 |
| Mr. and Mrs. Cat |
Advantge of Learning foreign Language
Mouse was Going wid his Kids
A Cat jumped infront of dm
Mouse shoutd
"BHOW BHOW"
Cat runs away
Mouse=Dats d Advntge of Lerning foreign Lnguage
A Cat jumped infront of dm
Mouse shoutd
"BHOW BHOW"
Cat runs away
Mouse=Dats d Advntge of Lerning foreign Lnguage
Cost of Calf
A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
Thirty thousand Cockroaches
A housewife called up a pet store and said, "Send me thirty-thousand cockroaches at once."
"What in the world do you want with thirty-thousand cockroaches?" asked the astonished clerk.
"Well," replied the woman, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them."
"What in the world do you want with thirty-thousand cockroaches?" asked the astonished clerk.
"Well," replied the woman, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them."
Handicapped Horse
The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout "Up and Over" at each jump.
The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.
The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted "Up and Over" at each jump. So... won the race.
The trainer asked him, "What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?"
The jockey replied, "No, the horse must be deaf."
"No way!!!" the trainer insisted. "Blind, yes....but not deaf..."
The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.
The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted "Up and Over" at each jump. So... won the race.
The trainer asked him, "What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?"
The jockey replied, "No, the horse must be deaf."
"No way!!!" the trainer insisted. "Blind, yes....but not deaf..."
Funeral
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's because he's still inside your stupid cat."
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's because he's still inside your stupid cat."
Woof! Woof!
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!"
"Woof!"
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and dont touch anything!"
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!"
"Woof!"
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and dont touch anything!"
Color of Elephant
A sardar was asked by his friend that if he was going in a jungle alone and if he saw an elephant what will he do?
Sardar "What is the colour of the elephant?"
Friend "How does it matter?"
Sardar "It Matters"
Friend "Blue"
Sardar "I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If it was red?"
Sardar "I will poison him and then when he turns blue I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If it was yellow?"
Sardar "I will make him angry he will turn red then I will poison him and then when he turns blue I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If it was green?"
Sardar"I will make him sick when he turns yellow then I will make him angry he will turn red then I will poison him and then when he turns blue I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If he was purple?"
Sardar "Stupid have you ever seen a purple elephant?"
Sardar "What is the colour of the elephant?"
Friend "How does it matter?"
Sardar "It Matters"
Friend "Blue"
Sardar "I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If it was red?"
Sardar "I will poison him and then when he turns blue I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If it was yellow?"
Sardar "I will make him angry he will turn red then I will poison him and then when he turns blue I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If it was green?"
Sardar"I will make him sick when he turns yellow then I will make him angry he will turn red then I will poison him and then when he turns blue I will shoot him with blue gun"
Friend "If he was purple?"
Sardar "Stupid have you ever seen a purple elephant?"
Gorilla and Hunter
One morning Mrs.Johnson found a ferocious gorilla in a banana tree in her orchard. She called a famous hunter to come and get rid of the gorilla.
The hunter came with a large dog.
He said, "Don’t worry lady. I have a plan. I will go up the tree and throw the gorilla down and my dog will bite it’s balls.
But I am giving you my gun in case the gorilla is strong and he throws me off the tree."
"Is it for me to shoot the gorilla?",asked Mrs.Johnson.
"No", replied the hunter "it’s for you to shoot the dog."
The hunter came with a large dog.
He said, "Don’t worry lady. I have a plan. I will go up the tree and throw the gorilla down and my dog will bite it’s balls.
But I am giving you my gun in case the gorilla is strong and he throws me off the tree."
"Is it for me to shoot the gorilla?",asked Mrs.Johnson.
"No", replied the hunter "it’s for you to shoot the dog."
Rabbit and Snake
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Blind and Dog
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."......
A Frog and the Beautiful Girl
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
A talking Dog
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
The Goony Bird and Husband
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"
Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.
When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"
Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.
When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"
Blind as Bat
Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner!
So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood.
Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family."
"Very good" said Dracula.
The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?"
The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children."
"Impressive" said Dracula.
Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned.
"How on earth did you do that????" he asked.
And the bat replies, "Do you see this tower?"
Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says, "Well, I didn't."
So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood.
Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family."
"Very good" said Dracula.
The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?"
The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children."
"Impressive" said Dracula.
Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned.
"How on earth did you do that????" he asked.
And the bat replies, "Do you see this tower?"
Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says, "Well, I didn't."
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