Never underestimate 3 things

Never underestimate the power of 3 things:

1. Wife angry for a reason.

2. Wife angry without reason.

3. Wife about to get angry and looking for a reason!!

Mein itna bada kab hounga

Chota bacha apni maa se,
Maa main itna bada kab hunga
ke apse poche bina
har jaga chala jaun
.
Maa buhat pyaar se,
.
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Beta itna bada to tera baap bhi nahi hua aaj tak

ECG of a Married Man

This is how Heart pulse of married man changes in different situations


ECG of a man when with his Wife
____/\_______/\______/\____
ECG of a man when with his Girlfriend
___/\___/\___/\___/\___/\__
ECG of a man when with Girlfriend in front of his Wife
________________________

neend na aane ka ilaaj

Husband- Mujhe nind nhi aa rahi hai!!

Wife- jao aur kitchen ka sara bartan saaf kar do!

Husband - Arey pagli!!! Main Neend mein bol raha hun!

khush haal zindagi ka raaz kya hai?

Padosi: yaar tere ghar se roz hansi ki aawaz aati hai, ye khush haal zindagi ka raaz kya hai?
Aadmi: yaar meri biwi mujhe jooton se maarti hai..
lag jaaye toh woh hansti hai, na lage toh main
hansta hun ...

Lady beats a Daaku - Husband Wife Jokes

In Court Judge to Lady:
You are really very brave, Daaku ko bahut maara tumne..!
.
Lady: Mujhe kya pata daaku tha, main samjhi mere pati ghar dair se aaye hain..!!!

Santa to Police - Santa Banta Jokes

Police – “aapke ghar kee talaashi leni hai !”

Santa – “kyon ?”

Police – “khabar mili hai ki aapne ek khatarnaak aatankwadi ko apne ghar mein rakhaa hua hai !”

Santa – “khabar to bilkul sahi hai bhai … par aajkal woh maayke gai hui hai !!!”

Difference between Filmi and Real life

Filmi life aur Asli life me kya ANTAR hai?

Santa: Film me bahut mushkilo k baad shadi hoti hai.
Asli life me shadi ke baad bahut mushkil hoti hai.

Life is Beautiful - Marriage Jokes

Ek Diwaar par
likha hua tha,
.
.
.
"Life Is Very Beautiful".
.
.
..
Kisi ne uske niche
ek line aur add
Kar di:
.
.
"Terms & Conditions of Wife Apply"....!!!!

Tum bilkul nhi badli

Husband wife both die in a car crash. Husband becomes bhoot. Wife becomes Dayan.
They both meet after some time.
Husband tells wife: see I became Bhoot after death, but tum bilkul nahi badli.

Mat kar intezar is zanam mein uska - Marriage Jokes

Ek din Khuda ne mujhse kaha:
"Mat kar Intezar is Janam mein uska, Milna mushkil hai.

Maine bhi keh diya:
"Lene de maza Intezar ka, agle Janam mein to Mumkin hai..

Phir Khuda ne kaha:
"Mat kar itna Pyar bahut Pachhtayega..

Muskura ke Maine kaha:
"Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe Tadpayega...:))

Phir Khuda ne kaha:
"Bhool jaa usse, Chal tujhe Jannat
ki Apsra se milata hun".

Maine kaha:
"Aa Neeche dekh mere Pyar ka Muskurata Chehra, Tujhe Jannat ki Apsra Bhulvata hu..;-))"

Gusse mein Khuda ne kaha:
"Mat Bhool apni Aukaat tu to ek Insaan hai."

Safaai nhi tarika btao - Husband Wife Jokes

Judge : tum ne 10 saal se apni wife ko dabaa ke , daraa ke , dhamka ke , apne control me rakha hai .

Mulzim : judge sahab aisa hai ki ....
Judge : safaai nai ; tarika bata tarika!!!!

Commando's Interview

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!

Interviewer, "We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?"

Man, "No Sir, but........ can my Wife apply..?"

Cheat God a Thousand times

You cheat God a thousand times!!

But
.
God is so kind,

He doesn't punish you every time...
.
.
.
.
.
He just gets you MARRIED once
&
its Game over baby..

Aapki shakal meri wife se milti

Pappu ne air-hostess se kaha,
“Aapki shakal meri biwi se bahut milti hai”.
.
.
.
Air-hostess ne ye sunte hi zordaar thappad uske gaal pe mara…
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
Pappu foran bola : “Aadat bhi bahut milti hai”!!!!

Man v/s Woman Deppression

MAN's Depression

- Business Slow Chal raha hai..

- Payment nahin aa rahi hai..

- Credit card ka bill pay krna hai..

- Family ki demands poori krni hai...

WOMAN's Depression

- Profile Pic. change kiye 15 minute ho gaye.....abhi tak ek bhi like ya comment nhi aaya hai...
pata nahi sabko recent Updates mein dikh raha hai k nahi...

Ye apne kiya kaise

Judge : aap par aarop hai ki
pichale 10 saal
se apne apni biwi
ko dara dhamka k rakha hai.
.
.
.
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Pappu : Par janab
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Judge : bas Safai ki jarurat nahi
bas itna batao
ye apne kiya kaise?

A civilized Poetic Fight

A civilized fight between husband & wife...

Wife: Twinkle Twinkle little star, you should know what YOU are And once YOU know what YOU are Then the Mental hospital is'nt so far.

Husband: The rain makes all things beautiful The grass & flowers too If rain makes all things beautiful, Why doesn't it rain on YOU?

Wife: Roses are red Violets are blue Monkeys like YOU should be kept in zoo.

Husband: Don't feel so angry YOU will find me there too, Not in cage but laughing at YOU.

Mantra of Successful Marriages

A successful marriage is based On give & take: Where husband gives money, Gifts, dresses n wife takes it & Where wife gives advices, lectures, Tensions & husband takes it..!!

LIC ki Gazab scheme

L.I.C Wale Bhi Kya Gazab Scheme Banate Hai..
.
.
.
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L.I.C Wale Bhi Kya Gazab Scheme Banate Hai...
.
.
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Logo Ki Biwion Ko Paas Bitha Kar Pati Ke Marne Ke Faide Batate Hai.