Ek kaam tha bhai

Dost : Bhai kaisa hai?
Me : Mast hu.. tu bata?
Dost : Main bhi mast.. Yaar ek kaam tha..! 😶
Me : Haan toh saare kaam karle, phir baat karte hai....
Ok bye

Viber user karti ho kya

Boy: Viber use krti ho..??

Girl: ufff! Ye un-educated ladke bhi na !!
Dear Viber nhi Viper hota hai.. Or main kabhi kabhi use karti hun jb paani Jyada ho warna pocha hi lagaati hun.. .

BOY: hahahahahahahahaha . Bus kr pagli Rulayegi kyaa

Why Auto Rickshaw don't go to Mars

Passenger: Bhaiya, Mangal(Mars) pe chaloge?
Pune Autowala: Haan, 900 crore lagega!
Me: Kyu? ISRO ne to 450 Cr me bheja..
Pune Autowala: Arey wahan se return nahi milta bhai

Santa kills a Deer

Santa kills DEER & cooks it.

He doesn tell his kids wht it is.......He gives a clue "Its wat ur Mom calls me"(dear)

Son screams:"Koi mat khana, KUTTA hai.....!!!!!

Cleanliness and Truthfullness

Boss : We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat..

Send bill to My brother in Law

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect, Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Two Little Boy v/s Priest

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
You should see the marathon.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".

How Samba born?

Gabbar: Sambha, tumhara janam kaise hua?

Sambha: Mere parents ne Usha Utthup se song gavaaya...
Sambha ho, ho, ho, ho, ho...

aur main ho gaya.....

Lady beats a Daaku - Husband Wife Jokes

In Court Judge to Lady:
You are really very brave, Daaku ko bahut maara tumne..!
.
Lady: Mujhe kya pata daaku tha, main samjhi mere pati ghar dair se aaye hain..!!!

Pappu replies to Biker

Pappu, apni sister ke saath bike pe ja raha tha.
Boy: oh! paaji girlfriend k saath kaha ja rahe ho?
Pappu : oye! girlfriend hogi teri..meri to sister hai

Smartphone getting Smarter - Technology Jokes

I typed MARRIED...it was auto corrected to MARTYRED

I typed SHAADI....it was auto corrected to SHAHEED

Damn ... these smart phones have gained too
much intelligence!

Olympic Race wali feeling hoti

India me Insaan sab se jyada
khush kab hota hai ?
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
.
jab railway fatak band ho rha ho
aur usse pehle
wo apni gadi nikal le ...

Kasam se yar Olympic race jitne wali
feelings hoti hai

Poor Joke : Dard Naak kahani

Ek Ladke Ne Ladki se Kaha :- "I Love U"

To Ladki Ne Ladke Ki Naak Pe jordar chanta Mara

Ladke Ki Naak Me Dard Hua

is tarah "DARD NAAK" Kahani Khatm Hui.

Things that can change Women Mood

Only 2 phrases can change a
woman's mood-
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"I love you" and "50% off"

Life explained in a Bollywood Song

Whole Life Explained In One Song !!!

Age 1 to 15 : Naino Mein Sapna.

15 to 25 : Sapno Mein Sajna.

25 to 35 : Sajna Pe Dil Aa Gaya.

35 to 75 : Kyu Sajna Pe Dil Aa Gaya

Agar koi apko pathar phenke

Agar aapko koi pathar mare, to aapka farz hain ki
aap us par phool phenke..
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Lekin..
.
.
"Gamle" ke saath...

Friend vs Girlfriend

Friend or Girlfriend me kya fark hota hai..?

Friend wo hai
jisse hum udhar lete hai.

Aur Girlfriend wo hai
jiske liye hum udhar lete hy.!

secret of Divorced Barbie Doll

One day, a father gets out of work, and on his way home, he
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy
store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the
display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
and Divorced Barbie for $265.95
The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
and the others only $19.95?"
The annoyed salesperson answers:
"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's car,
Ken's house,
Ken's boat,
Ken's furniture,
Ken's computer, and
One of Ken's Friends."

I am going ka matlab

Kaalu:" I am going" ka kya matlab hota Hai.. ?? . . .
Pappu:" Main Jaa Raha hoon.. . .
.
.
.
. .
.

Kaalu:" bina bataye to tera bap bhi nahi Ja sakta Pehle MatLab Bata...

Kanjus Jokes : Specs banwa do

Kanjus Pappu's son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.

Kanjoos Pappu took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?



Son: Suraj

Kanjoos Pappu : Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahta hai tu